


Don't Let a Mary Sue Into Titans Tower

by Hinn_Raven



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Mary Sue, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Over the Top, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-01
Updated: 2010-12-30
Packaged: 2018-12-14 17:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/pseuds/Hinn_Raven
Summary: A mysterious girl shows up and starts following the Titans around- much to their annoyance! Watch as she begins to drive the Titans to varying levels of insanity- particularly Robin.





	1. The Arrival of a Sue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: So here is my Summer Celebration project! A Mary-Sue bashing story, featuring about a completely oblivious Sue stumbling into a scenario where she does not belong. This is my first attempt at humor, so if you have a sudden urge to throw up at the ridiculousness of the whole idea, try not to do so on the keyboard. It makes it hard to flame me.**
> 
> **I do not own the Teen Titans. Unfortunately for me, the only thing I own is the annoying character that my mind created.**

It was a beautiful, sunny day when all things sane and even remotely normal came to a cruel (and rather abrupt) end. The Titans had been enjoying themselves, up until Cinderblock had decided that that day was a perfect day to attack the local mall.

"This is getting old," Raven grumbled, dodging a lamp-post that he tossed at her. She stuck out her hands, catching the very same projectile with her ebony-colored energy. She lifted it into the air, preparing to throw it, but hesitated, spotting another attack coming.

Starfire shouted a Tameranean battle-cry as she charged towards the creature, carrying her boyfriend by his hands. When she reached proximity to Cinderblock, she swung him around like a shot-put, sending Robin flying towards him. With a loud clang, Robin's steel-toed boots collided with Cinderblock's face.

Once Robin was out of the way, Raven threw the already-once been thrown streetlight towards him. Cinderblock let out a primitive yell, and turned towards the dark sorceress. Beast Boy took advantage of his distraction, transforming into a rhino and charging towards Cinderblock. Once the creature was in the air, both Cyborg and Starfire took advantage of the clear-cut target that the creature was, once lifted off of the Earth. Starbolts and sonic-cannon collided with him, sending him flying even further, and making his collision with the ground even harder.

Cinderblock just lay on the ground, groaning. Smoke from the two Titans' respective blasts still smoked up from his cement skin. Robin dialed up the police, and requested that he be picked up. The police chief responded positively, and then hung up.

The Titans waited patiently for the police to arrive. Smoke still billowed in the air, and the air around him was scorching. But apparently that didn't stop the adolescent female who had appeared out of nowhere. She stood on top of him, hands raised in the air in a sign of victory, as if she, not they had defeated Cinderblock.

She leapt off gracefully, apparently unaffected by the heat, and waltzed up to the Titans, smiling broadly.

Robin supposed that she might be considered pretty by some people. But not by him.

Her hair was a freakish shade of platinum blond, one that was  _never_  found in humans, her eyes were, (as she would later describe them) 'a deep, wondrous shade of blue, darker than the sky at midnight!' Her skin was scarily tan, as if she had either fallen asleep in a tanning booth, or been in a coma on a beach. She was scarily skinny, as if she hadn't eaten in the last six years, and yet she still managed to stay plenty large in certain…areas. Her outfit was even worse than her appearance, since she was wearing a  _very_  low cut neon pink tank-top coated in silver and gold sequins, a very,  _very_  short khaki mini-skirt with even  _more_  sequins, (pink this time) and her shoes, much to Beast Boy's distress, were knee-high boots made of  _polar bear fur_ , with even more freaking GLITTER! Every time that she moved, she sent a colossal wave of rainbows in all directions, blinding everyone within proximity of her.

"Um… hello," Robin said, startled.

"Hi!" said the girl, smiling broadly, "My name is Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow!"

The Titans all blinked. What kind of messed up, completely insane parent would name their child that?

"Anyways, I heard you needed someone on your team, so I decided that  _I_ would be the perfect addition to your team!"

"We had an opening on our team?" Beast Boy asked, very confused.

"Of course you do Beast Boy," she said, saying each word slowly, as if indicating that Beast Boy was dumb.

"Hey!" he yelled picking up on the insult.

She smiled sweetly at him.

"So, whaddaya say, Robbie?"

"Robbie?" Robin whispered, feeling very much confused.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!" Destinee screamed, tackling Robin in an embrace. Not nearly as crushing as Starfire's but twice as torturous. She pulled away with a humongous grin on her way-too pink lips and a communicator in her hand.

"What the… THAT'S MINE!" Robin yelled, realizing that the girl must have seized his communicator while embracing him.

"Thank you so much Robin! I'm so glad to join the team."

"You are  _not_  on the team," Starfire shouted, apparently taking a dislike to this girl, who was already getting on her nerves.

Oh poor Starfire. If only she knew.

* * *

"Thank goodness we got rid of her," Raven commented, settling down on the table. Destinee had simply vanished after a little while, screaming something about her long-lost cousin as she ran towards the school where they believed Terra went to.

"Yep," Cyborg agreed, looking very relieved at the girl's disappearance.

"What's up?" declared Destinee, appearing out of nowhere.

"WHAT THE…"

There she was, in all of her incredibly horrifying glory. Although, apparently she'd stopped at the beauty parlor, since her hair was now down to her knees, wavy, and chocolaty-brown.

"Miss me?"

"How the hell did you get in here?" Cyborg demanded, angry, "My systems should have kept you out!"

"'Sup, BB?" she asked, completely ignoring the metal man. Cyborg steamed in anger. Beast Boy, on the other hand, seemed to wish that he was the one that was being ignored.

"Please just leave," he pleaded, feeling creeped out under her wide-eyed stare and huge smile.

"I'm going to bed!" she announced, spinning on her heal, much to everyone's relief. "Night Robin," she whispered softly, in what Robin might just call a flirtatious manner, kissing him on the cheek. She waltzed off, and the door closed behind her.

Everyone turned their eyes to Starfire. The alien princess seemed to be frozen, except for the steam that appeared to be coming off of her, which made Beast Boy and Cyborg feel slightly nervous.

"Starfire?" Robin asked anxiously.

"WHY THAT KLORBAG!" she screamed, looking just about ready to charge through the doors, locate that insane girl, rip off her arms, and  _then_  force her to eat them.

"Starfire!" Robin yelled, grabbing her arm in vain hope that he might just be able to prevent her from performing a murder, which, he knew, although possibly enjoyable, might not look good if the tabloids picked up the story. He began to explain very carefully why it was not a good idea for Starfire to smash the girl into smithereens, making sure to also tell her that he did not like that girl  _at all._

For a second, he thought she might go do it anyways, but apparently she decided that the girl would not be worth murdering.

"Team meeting?" asked Raven.

* * *

"Who is she?" Cyborg yelled, furiously confused.

"Why isn't she out of the Tower yet?" Robin replied, looking at Cyborg pointedly.

"I don't know," admitted the metal man, pulling up a security camera image from just a few minutes ago, just when Destinee had appeared. "All I know is this. She doesn't show up any scans, not even on the camera." The Titans realized that, sure enough, the creepy girl failed to show up on the recording. It appeared as if they were insane and talking to thin air. "I've thrown everything I could at her," continued Cyborg, pointing at the place where she should have been, "But everything refuses to admit that she's even there!"

"But she  _is_  there, surely," Starfire said, frowning, "Am I not correct?"

"She is, Star, that's the thing," Cyborg replied, groaning.

"Maybe she  _isn't_!" Beast Boy yelled, leaping into the air eagerly as he got an idea.

"Beast Boy," Raven began, cradling her head in her hands.

Here me out, Raven!" the green changeling said, pulling a whiteboard that Robin sometimes used for briefings for missions down from the ceiling. He grabbed a marker as well, and began to prepare to explain his latest idea.

"Remember that time when Robin got infected with all of that hallucination stuff that Slade put his mask?" Beast Boy rattled off at a high speed, drawing a crude image of Robin and an even worse example of Slade's mask.

Everyone nodded warily.

"So what if Slade pumped the whole Tower full of the stuff," he continued, drawing a Tower with anime-like versions of the Titans standing on the roof smiling, including Raven, "So then he gets all of us? And then he makes the crazy girl appear, just to drive us all insane!" as he finished, he drew up a surprisingly accurate image of Destinee, and wrote above her, ' _Weird, crazy, stalker, girl,'_

The Titans stood at him, "Wow," was all they could say.

Before anyone could say anything else, though, the horrible smell of something burning on a stove entered their noses.

"Ugh!" Cyborg groaned, plugging his nose, "That smells even worse than tofu!"

"Hey!" Beast Boy yelled, distracted from his theory, dropping the marker on the ground.

"Is it just me, or does that smell like someone," Robin began, only to be interrupted by a fire alarm.

The Titans all dashed towards the kitchen, only to freeze. Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow stood in the kitchen, humming some horrible hip-hop song very off-keyly, and scooping large amount of burned  _something_  onto six plates.

"What are you doing?" Robin demanded.

"Who wants breakfast?" declared the now scarlet-haired girl, smiling flirtatiously at Robin, ignoring both his question and his steaming girlfriend.

"It's seven o'clock at night!" Raven noted, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"So who wants some?"

"Not me!" Beast Boy yelled, spotting empty three cartons of eggs and two open packets of bacon next to the now ruined pan.

"Yay!" sang the ignorant female, pushing a huge spoonful of her toxic non-vegan sludge into his mouth. Beast Boy made a choking noise as he tasted the disgusting 'food.'

"What  _is_  this stuff?" Beast Boy gasped out, glaring at her.

"Scrambled eggs and bacon, BB! Your favorite!"

"Since when does Beast Boy do the consuming of the eggs of chickens and the milk of cows?" Starfire inquired.

"He doesn't, Starfire," Robin said, shaking his head, "She's just crazy."

"Oh."

"Do you mind me asking? What planet are you from?" Raven said, looking at this girl.

"My home planet Sparklevillia, home to the famous species, the Mary-Sues!" declared the girl, her hair changing again, taking on a green hue.

The Titans all looked at each other and blinked simultaneously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: And there it is! Chapter one! If you have any ideas, I'd be glad to hear them. If you can think of anything to make Destinee even more Sue-ish, please be sure to tell me.**
> 
> **Oh, and if you've noticed any parallels from this story and one of my others, let it be known that they are completely intentional.**
> 
> **Please review! Hinn-Raven.**


	2. Malfunctions of Both Mind and Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: I'm baack…. Sorry I haven't been updating, I just finished wrapping up a production of 'Romeo and Juliet' with a local theater… and the week before that I was in 'Beauty and the Beast…' busy schedule. But now I'm FREE!**
> 
> **Wow, I was really surprised at the amount of people who seem to hate Destinee so much. And for everyone who is begging for her to die, don't worry. She will. Just not soon enough for the Titan's tastes, or mine.**
> 
> **Disclaimer: Don't own the Teen Titans, but I do own a bunch of brand new books that my family got me to celebrate summer, does that count? *ducks random books.* apparently not.**

A few hours later, Beas Boy's stomach had finally settled enough for him to be able to go to bed, Robin had finished calming Starfire down enough so that she could be trusted to leave his sight, Cyborg had doubled, tripled, and even quadrupled all security in the Tower, hoping to keep Destinee away from everyone, and Raven had placed a powerful spell on the kitchen to keep the girl out.

Slowly, as if afraid she might pick them off one by one if they did not remain in a group, they all slowly retreated towards their respective rooms.

Robin and Starfire walked together, heading towards her room first. Robin's excuse to himself was that Starfire's temper might not be completely soothed yet. Sure Robin. Whatever you want to think.

"Good night, Star," Robin murmured, looking up at her. Despite the fact that he had recently begun his growth spurt, he was still couldn't compete with his girlfriend.

"Good night, Robin," she whispered back, and ever-so-small smile tugging at her mouth. She turned away, her door opening with a  _whoosh_. Robin spotted Silkie, who was quickly plucked from the bed into the princess's ever-waiting arms. The door shut on a slightly weird, but kinda cute scene: a tall, beautiful alien clutching a large mutated larva to her chest. Robin shook his head and quickly walked away, half-afraid of a Destinee attack.

Robin arrived in his rooms, locked the door, and was soon enough pulled into a blissful sleep.

And somewhere else in the Tower, in a sparkly-pink room that had once been Terra's, a Mary-Sue dreamt that all of the Titans loved her. Except for Cyborg. She didn't like Cyborg.

* * *

All the Titans woke up at their usual times, thoroughly refreshed, and all memories of Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow pushed into the back of their minds, kept there by their morning rituals.

Robin, the first to wake up, was also the first to remember the presence of the creepy female.

After returning from his training in the gym, he walked back to his room, only to find that someone had left a letter taped to his door. On the envelope, in  _really_  flowery handwriting was written:

' _To Robin'_

The 'i' was dotted with a heart, much to Robin's discomfort. Feeling nervous, but having not quite remembered Destinee yet, read it anyway.

 _My Dearest love,_  (It began)

_Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers you were so find to give me…_

It went on. By the time he had finished it, he was slightly green because about halfway through, she was giving very… _lewd_  descriptions about how he made her feel. The ending wasn't much better.

_I look forward to tonight, Robbie! (Tee-hee!)_

_Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow_

Robin then let out an anguished scream, and dashed into his room, dropping the creep letter as he went. (An hour later, Starfire would find that letter, and nearly kill Destinee. Again.) He then found his first aid kit, and (with much difficulty, since his hands were shaking) located a brown paper bag and began to breathe into it.

It would be a full hour before he calmed down.

* * *

After Robin had calmed down, Starfire, Robin, and Raven (Starfire had never seen a panic attack before and assumed that had he had caught a horrible disease, so she had sent for the Tower's 'Doctor') made their way back to the Ops. Center.

They had just stat down on the couch, all Titans together, to discuss what they had to do about the 'Mary-Sue' when she made her first appearance of the day. "Good Puppy, that's a good Puppy," crooned the girl as she entered the room. Robin, scared after that letter, whipped around, to see her walk in, not only with straight, knee-length sapphire blue hair, but with a dog in her hands. All the Titans stared at the sight.

The poor puppy had been dipped in purple paint, then white makeup had been applied to its face, and  _then_  its ears had been dyed green so that if vaguely represented the Joker. Robin  _had_  to wonder what exactly was wrong with that girl.

"You dressed. Your Dog. Like the Joker?" Beast Boy squeaked, staring at the poor animal with great sympathy. The young dog sent him a pitiful look, begging with his eyes to be released from the crazy girl's arms which held him in a tight embrace.

"Who's the Joker?" said the girl, hugging the poor creature to her chest even tighter. It kinda reminded Robin of how Starfire had hugged Silkie the previous night. Only Silkie had looked happy. The poor dog looked absolutely miserable.

Starfire pitied the poor puppy so greatly; she even forced herself to ask the Mary-Sue for his name.

"His name is Puppy!" declared the girl, her hair suddenly becoming curly.

"You named your puppy… Puppy?" Cyborg asked

As usual, he was ignored.

After a few minutes of pleading looks from Starfire, Robin reluctantly asked Destinee if he could borrow 'Puppy.'

"Sure thing!" She said, showing off her way-too-toothy grin, "As long as you are  _very, very_  careful." As she said that, she dropped him. The puppy dashed away, taking refuge between Raven's legs.

Dogs seemed to have a thing for Raven.*

The poor creature was taken to Starfire's room to be cleaned and introduced to Silkie. Cyborg, after realizing that Destinee had practically starved the poor animal, dashed off to town to buy some puppy food. Since the puppy refused to be separated from Raven now, Raven was forced to go with the couple. None of them were too happy about that.

It took three bottles of Silkie's never used shampoo to remove all of the paint, dye and makeup from the dog's fur. Upon the removal of all non-natural color, the dog was revealed to be a now,  _very_  happy Golden Retriever, about ten months old. Happy to have about three pounds of coloring removed from himself, the puppy cheerfully set to coating Starfire, Raven, and Robin with his saliva.

"Gross…" Raven said flatly, wiping dog drool from her face. He looked up at her cheerfully, wagging his tail, and Raven sighed. Even she couldn't resist that face. She knelt and began to scratch his ears. The tail moved even faster.

"Robin? May I please keep him?" said Starfire, imitating the dog's expression as best she could. She actually did a pretty darn good job. Robin had to give in.

"I guess if we gave him back to Destinee-" he was cut off by a loud whine. Robin looked around for the puppy, but failed to find him. When he looked back at Raven, he discovered that the creature, terrified at the mere mention of his former owner, now lay, trembling, in Raven's arms. "-she wouldn't feed him so…"

He was cut off by a huge hug from his girlfriend, "Oh, many thanks from both me and our new pet!" she then scooped the puppy from Raven's hands and held him up so he could give Robin's face a good bath.

"Blargh! Starfire!" Robin managed before the dog used his overly-large tongue to coat his face again.

"Now what shall we name him?" mused Starfire, examining her new 'bumgorf.'

"NO!" Beast Boy yelled in the distance. All three Titans looked at each other in alarm. They had completely forgotten that Beast Boy was all alone with Destinee.

They took off at a run.

* * *

_A few minutes earlier…_

Beast Boy sat on the couch, keeping an eye on Destinee. The girl seemed concerned with altering her hair while watching her reflection in the window.

He sunk among the sofa cushions, praying that she would continue to ignore him. But once she had settled on hip-length waves of golden locks, she instantly turned her attention to him.

"Hi BB," she said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Um… hi?" Beast Boy said, eying her warily as she walked closer to him, emphasizing each step with her hips.

"I want to ask you something," she whispered, sitting close to him. (He scooted away quickly,) "Do you like me?" she said, clearly attempting to be seductive, and failing utterly.

"NO!" Beast Boy yelled, causing all of the other Titans (including the just returned Cyborg) to come running.

"That's sweet, BB," she said, clearly ignoring the changeling, "But do you  _love_  me?"

"Love you? I don't even  _like_  you!" he said loudly, hoping that she would listen to reason for once.

"That's wonderful," she said, leaning forward to kiss him. Beast Boy tried to get further away, only to realize that he had backed himself against the armrest of the couch.

 _BAM!"_ the couch cushion underneath the incredibly stupid girl exploded, courtesy of Raven. Destinee was sent flying, landing in front of the half-demoness.

"Raven!" squealed the girl, whose hair had went from long gold to short and spiky neon pink in her short flight, "You lost control of your powers!"

"That was on purpose-" Raven began flatly, before being interrupted by a loud squeal.

"Let's go meditate!" she declared, seizing Raven's arm and dragging the dark girl off, "And later, maybe we can do some cutting!"

"I don't cut!" protested Raven as she was dragged off.

"Beast Boy, what has just occurred?" Starfire questioned, looking puzzled.

"I wish I knew."

* * *

"Why do you need to meditate?" demanded Raven to the other girl, "Do you even have powers?"

"Of  _course_  I do, Raven! Look!" she said throwing both hands out. Out of her outstretched palms, a slightly glittering fog (pink of course) began to come out. It crept its way around the roof, until it was spilling over the edge, and headed towards the ocean.

"You make fog? What does it do?" Raven replied monotonously.

"It causes machine's to malfunction!" she declared joyfully, "As long as I have my powers, I can't be detected by any machine, not even by, what's-his-face, Gadget?" **

"You mean Cyborg?" Raven said, starting to realize why the Titans had not been able to pick her up on camera.

"Yeah, him too! The only problem is, is that my fog causes mild tickling, slight drowsiness, and the occasional nosebleed," she said wistfully.

"That sounds more like medicine than powers," Raven noted.

"Oh, Raven! You're, like, my BFF!" screamed the girl, hugging her tightly.

"No hugging!" Raven yelled, almost losing control of her emotions for real.

"Relax, concentrate… meditate." Raven said to herself. Without another thought she began to float, and crossed her legs. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos… Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…" droned the girl next to her. Raven opened her eyes irritably.

"Get your own mantra!" she snapped.

"Okay!" sang the girl cheerfully. Raven closed her eyes, doing her best to ignore the Mary-Sue. "Pink, Sparkles, Robin and Beast Boy… Pink, Sparkles, Robin and Beast Boy…" droned Destinee.

"What are you doing?" Raven said, staring at the girl.

"I'm listing the four most important things in my life!"

Raven groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: And… that's it for now! I really wish I knew where the dog came from though… By the way, in case you're wondering…**
> 
> Dogs seemed to have a thing for Raven.*- If you didn't know this, go and rewatch 'Every Dog Has Its Day.'
> 
> "It causes machine's to malfunction!" she declared joyfully, "As long as I have my powers, I can't be detected by any machine, not even by, what's-his-face, Gadget?" ** - I know most Sues have really awesome, probably never going to happen powers, but I wanted this one to be a wimp. The side effects were suggested by one of my friends.
> 
> **Please review! Flames will be used to barbecue Destinee with! Hinn-Raven!**


	3. Scarred For Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Hi? (Ducks random things), okay, I'm sorry! I've had a little writers block on this story, and all sorts of other things. I'm not going to keep you waiting any longer, so here's the story!**
> 
> **Disclaimer: I only own Destinee. Sorry, I can't help what comes out of my head!**

"What is WRONG with you?" demanded Raven, feeling dangerously annoyed with this girl. She was worse than fifty Beast Boy's at his worst, with three Larry's and a Mumbo thrown in for good measure.

The girl's bottom lip trembled, as if she was some sort of freaky toddler, and  _wailed_.

Tears poured out of her eyes in a constant fountain, rapidly creating a pool at her feet. Body-wracking sobs shook her body, and her foot stamped the ground like a spoiled three year old.

Raven wrinkled her nose as a small river, created by Destinee's weeping, trailed past her, heading towards the edge of the roof.

A few minutes later, Raven was mildly surprised. Even Mary-Sues had to breathe… didn't they?

"How-" sobbed the girl, whose hair was now pitch black, "-Could-" another round of wails broke through, "-You?"

"I'm leaving," Raven said flatly, turning around, only to bump into Starfire and Robin, who had apparently wished for some alone time. Oh, how they would regret it.

The tears stopped almost instantly. "Very well, Robin my love, if you request to know my pasts, I must tell you."

"I want  _nothing_  to do with this," Robin said, worried, arms wrapped around Starfire in a way that was both protective and said 'hold me.'

"I was born on Sparklevillia, the most beauteous place in the universe, far exceeding the trash-head called 'Tameran,' or whatever."

Starfire glowered at the insult, but did not retaliate. For now.

"My home is full of tall shopping centers, gorgeous beaches (although nowhere as pretty as me!) And the tall, beautiful people of Sparklevillia, who wander the pink streets.

I was born to two of such people. My father was Furious Pyre of Eternal Flame III…" and so she went. She told about how her mother died before she was born, her father died of grief, and then she was raised by a tribe of fierce Cat-Ninja Monks that trained her in all sorts of combat skills… it went on.

She listed all the weapons she had been trained in, then described the jealously of a boy, who kidnapped, tortured and abused her, (Raven was, by this point, meditating again, ignoring the creature, while Robin and Starfire were sitting on the ground, trying their best to do the same) and then she gave her escape in surprisingly little detail, went down to fight her evil uncle for the thrown (despite never having mentioned any royal blood in her family), being defeated because her boyfriend betrayed her, only to escape on a Star-cruiser.

The tale was sprinkled with lovers, people named after: famous movie stars, pop stars, and a Twilight character. It was boring, long-winded, and kind of pointless.

Then she described how she came upon Earth. Since she was a genius, she mastered Earth's culture instantly, along with every single language that had ever been spoken on the planet. It wasn't long before she attracted the attention of Slade, (here, Robin automatically felt himself pay attention more, hoping for information about his enemy. He really should've known better…) who'd shown up, demanding her to be his apprentice. Since she knew that he was evil, she refused him, only to have him blow up her home. He'd been chasing her ever since, which had led to her coming to Jump City.

"And if I hadn't found you, I don't know what I would have done! You saved me from a horrible fate!" she exclaimed, waving her arms about in a way that showed her wrists to him and Starfire, (he was half-asleep by now). On her arm, where nothing had been there before, were several marker patterns. It looked like she had taken a red marker, and pretended to cut herself with them.

It was very weird.

* * *

 "I  _don't_ care! You stay away from my Robin, you Tameranean Freak!" Destinee's voice echoed down to Beast Boy and Cyborg, who had been eating popcorn (with no butter, a compromise) and watching 'Clash of the Planets' reruns on TV.

"Do you think-" Cyborg said, hand in the popcorn bowl.

"Nah, Starfire can take care of herself. Remember what she did to Kitten? She'll be fine."

"Ten bucks that girl doesn't make it through the day without Starfire trying to kill her?"

"Nah, that's too simple. Twenty that Starfire chucks her out a window before midnight," said the green changeling with a grin.

"Deal," replied his best friend, turning his attention back the screen.

* * *

When Starfire had emerged from her argument, gritting her teeth and only having not murdered the annoying girl due to Raven's interference, no one sensible would have brought up Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow's name anywhere near her.

"Forget it, Starfire. She's an idiot," Raven advised, one hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I know she was just saying nasty things, but that does not mean that she is not aggravating!" Starfire said, looking livid.

"We all know that Star. That's why we need to think of a way to get rid of her," the empath said calmly. "Come on. I've got spells in my room to keep her away. Maybe you and I can come up with something to throw Destinee somewhere away from here."

"That sounds most excellent," agreed Starfire, smiling.

"Let's go."

* * *

Robin entered his room with a long sigh. After the incident on the roof, (which had ended with Destinee trying to kiss him) he had retreated to the training course, while Starfire and Raven had gone to hang out in her room. Luckily, Destinee had appeared to be allergic to work, and had not bothered him the whole day. But now his body was sore and tired, and he needed nothing more than nine or so dreamless hours of sleep.

Silly Robin. He should have known better.

"Took you long enough," said a sulky voice from behind him as he removed his cape. He spun around quickly, striking a fighting pose, as his loosened cape came undone and flew off of him, hitting the door. He didn't really notice, since he was a bit preoccupied with the presence of Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow in his bed.

She lay under the covers, her hair now a bright shade of red that actually resembled Starfire's, not that  _that_  comforted him. He was much more worried about how she'd gotten in here, and why she was in his bed.

"What are  _you_  doing here?" he demanded, his voice a bit squeaky from shock.

"If I have a fault, Robin, it's impatience," she said, in what was supposed to be a seductive voice.

"How did you get in here?"

"Or maybe it would be my bad temper," she said thoughtfully. "I slapped that stupid alien today, did you know that?"

" _What?_ " he said, shocked.

"Uh-huh, stupid bitch, trying to keep us apart. But do you know what Robin? I'm not going to let  _anything_  keep us apart. I love you, and I know you love me. And  _nothing's_ going to stop that."

Robin was backing away slowly, when he spotted a small little detail that had escaped him before. A small, messy pile of clothes at the foot of his bed. They weren't his (no way would he be caught wearing stuff like that,) but… he glanced nervously at Destinee. Her arms were bare…

And then it hit him. Like a truck. Like a semi-truck. Like a semi-truck filled with cement. Like a semi-truck filled with cement and  _lead_.

He screamed and  _ran_. He ran as if Slade, the Brotherhood of Evil, and Trigon had joined forces with the Joker. He was absolutely  _terrified_.

The Titans, having heard their fearless leader's scream, came running. They located him a few doors down from his room, having yet  _another_ panic attack.

"Robin? Robin! What is wrong?" Starfire asked, concerned. "Raven, what is wrong with him now?"

"I don't know…" Raven said, moving toward the Boy Wonder. "But I can find out." She placed a hand on each of Robin's temples and concentrated. Her hands glowed eerily, and her eyes closed.

"AH!" she yelped, jerking away after she saw what had happened.

"What is it? What is wrong?" said Starfire.

Raven told them as bluntly as was humanly possible.

"WHY THAT CLORBAG!"

Starfire stormed off, almost literally sending steam into the air as she went. She was not able to fly, so the stomping of her feet could be heard as she made her way down the hallway towards Robin's room.

"GET OUT!" was the only the thing the Titans heard, followed by a very long exchange of words in both Tameranean and English that really should not be written down (or, in several cases, translated,) from both girls.

"I- HAVE- HAD- IT- WITH- YOU!" they finally heard Starfire yell, after what sounded like a slap. They then heard the tinkle of broken glass, followed by a loud, very dramatic scream.

When Starfire came back, considerably calmed down, Robin's room was Destinee-free, and Cyborg was handing Beast Boy a twenty dollar bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N**
> 
> **And... there you have it. Sorry, Destinee's alive. She'll be around for about another chapter or two. I will take some ideas, since next chapter is pretty void of them. If I can't think of any, (or if you guys don't have any ideas as well,) the next chapter might be the last.**
> 
> **Review please! If you wish to know what happens to flames, check out the previous chapter's footnote!**
> 
> **Hinn-Raven, reluctant owner of Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow.**


	4. Love Triangles, and Headaches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: I'm baacckk…. NaNoWriMo's over, (I didn't win) and now, Destinee will return to you.**
> 
> **Destinee: And she only owns me!**
> 
> **Hinn-Raven: Ah! You're only supposed to exist in my head and on paper! Die! *throws bucket of water on her***
> 
> **Destinee: I'm meeellltttinngggg… *melts***
> 
> **Hinn-Raven: Sorry about that. I don't own the Teen Titans.**

The Titans slowly returned to beds, (well, in Robin's case, the couch). Starfire, feeling better than she had since that hideous girl had entered their lives, returned to her room with a smile on her face, while Cyborg, still sulking over the lost bet, made his way to recharge himself.

"Do you really think she's gone?" Beast Boy asked Raven on their way to their rooms.

"I hope so…" said Raven, opening her door, then turning around to face him. "But I doubt it," she added mysteriously as the metal door closed between them.

* * *

"Mornin' all! Creepy-girls gone, Robin can talk again, and I've just made waffles!" said Cyborg cheerfully as the waffle-maker went  _ding_.

"Sounds great, Cyborg!" said Robin with a grin, one hand wrapped around a cup of coffee, the other intertwined with Starfire's.

"Beast Boy, are you going to join us in the consumption of waffles?"

"Can't, Starfire. Cyborg here put  _milk_  in them," he shuddered. "Want tofu bacon, Raven?" he offered the plate to Raven, without a hope.

"No thanks," she monotoned as she continued to read her book, more interested in her herbal tea than in food right now.

"Wow, that smells GREAT!" yelled an all-too familiar voice.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" yelled all the Titans, jumping. Waffles flew through the air, only to be saved by Raven. Robin's coffee was spilt, and Raven's tea was only saved because she bothered to preserve it.

"How'd you get back in here?" Cyborg nearly wept.

"Beast Boy! Oh, I've missed you!" sang Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow.

"Leave me alone!" pleaded the green changeling. Robin was having another panic attack, and Starfire was trying to calm him down.

"Do not fear, Beast Boy! My love for you is as strong as a thousand suns! I will never abandon you!" exclaimed the Mary-Sue.

"Please, just leave me alone," whimpered Beast Boy, clutching his plate of tofu-bacon desperately.

"Oh, Beast Boy! You're just so funny!" sang the girl.

"Leave me alone!" he said again, looking at the girl, whose hair was now purple and stacked up on her head like a wobbly beehive.

"Oh, I love you so much, my Beastie Boo!" she cooed, wrapping her arms around him. She leaned in, fluttering her heavily make-upped eyelashes. The stink of perfume and seawater and flowers and fruit and glue and gasoline was overwhelming as she pulled herself closer and closer, her too-large lips moving towards his.

"Raven! Help! Please!" he managed, nearly doubling backwards as he tried to keep away from Destinee.

Raven was only too happy to assist. Her eyes glowed brightly and a dark band of her energy surrounded Destinee, prying her off the poor green shape shifter. Destinee was making disgusting noises and her beehive purple hair was falling around her, becoming neon blue and braided.

"Oh, I love you so much!" she yelled, not seeming aware that she was kissing air.

"Robin, it is fine! I promise you that she will not come near you," Starfire was pleading with the Boy Wonder, who was currently hiding in a cupboard.

"Come on man, she's not even looking at you!" said Cyborg, not noticing his best friend's plight.

Robin refused to come out, preferring to remain in his cupboard hyperventilating.

"Robin…" Starfire said, starting to pry the hinges off of the door to allow her access to her beloved.

"Oh… Beast Boy," moaned Destinee.

"Can we run, Raven?" suggested Beast Boy, who was hiding behind her cape.

"Where to?" Raven asked, half-serious.

"Canada?"

Raven sighed, but she suddenly grew alarmed as Destinee started to fiddle with her skirt. "Oh no you don't!" she said, throwing the strange person with all her might, sending her crashing into the couch.

"OUCH!" shouted the girl. "I am injured! Oh no!" a loud weeping sound ensued.

"Raven! Can you please help him calm down?" said Starfire, who was desperately trying to remove her boyfriend from the cupboard without hurting him, a very difficult task.

"I can try…" Raven said, turning around with Beast Boy still attached to her cloak. She reached out and touched Robin's forehead, her hand glowing. Robin's breath slowed down to normal, and Cyborg noticed that the heart rate was slowing down to a more stable (and safe) level.

"Thanks Raven," rasped Robin, feeling his terror ebb away.

"No problem," was the reply.

"Perhaps we should go into town for breakfast?" suggested Starfire, helping Robin to stand on his feet.

"That sounds like a good idea."

* * *

They went to their favorite Pizza Place, where they all ordered breakfast pizzas. When their order finally arrived, sending delicious smells into the air, they all dug in eagerly.

"Wow, this is really good! I'm so glad you guys brought me here!" said Destinee, who was perched on the table in between Robin and Beast Boy.

All the Titans groaned.

Suddenly the Mary-Sue burst into tears. "No! Why am I so beautiful? It's a curse, a curse I tell you! I can't do anything wrong! I'm cursed with being perfect! And I can't tell who I'm in love with!" she turned on Raven quickly. "Raven! Whose smexier? Robin or Beast Boy?"

"What?" Raven deadpanned.

"I must decide! I love them both, and I must choose the smexier one!"

"Ask them," she suggested.

"Oh, Raven, it's so difficult! I do not know who to choose, and it is very difficult, even for someone with an IQ of 965, like me!"

"That's not even possible," commented Cyborg, picking up another piece of pizza and eating it, happy to be ignored for once.

"All I want is to be loved and excepted! I never asked to be fantastically beautiful beyond all reason, or the most powerful super-being of all time! I never wanted people to stare at me as I walked down the street; I never wanted little children running up to me, asking for autographs and photographs! And I never wanted to be so perfect! Why Raven, why?"

"You're far from perfect," said Raven flatly.

"I know, Raven, why me? Why am I so perfect? It's a curse!"

"Is she doing the repeating of herself on purpose?" asked Starfire cautiously, positioned protectively over Robin.

"I'm not sure, Starfire," replied Robin.

"It's not fair! Why couldn't I be as ugly as, say, Starfire?"

Starfire looked furious, but Robin and Cyborg quickly grabbed her by the arms to hold her back.

"I will not kill her!" protested the Tameranean. "I will merely rip off her arms and throw them into the ocean! That is acceptable, yes?"

"Starfire-you-can't-do-that?" Robin protested, leaning backwards as the Tameranean tried to get away from him and Cyborg.

"I'm so miserable!" declared Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow. "I…must…" she pulled out a fat, red, watercolor marker and started making slashing motions across her wrists.

"Check please," Beast Boy told the waitress.

At that moment, all of their communicators went off. Suddenly, Destinee stopped crying, holding out a bejeweled and pink version of the Titans communicator.

"There's trouble! We must go and save people!" she yelled dramatically.

"You are  _not_  coming with us," said Robin, looking at her.

"Titans go!" she yelled eagerly. "Shotgun!" she added over her shoulder as she took off in the opposite direction of the parking lot.

"Let's hurry before she realizes what ways the T-Car," whispered Cyborg.

"Agreed," said Starfire, grabbing Robin. "Let us make haste!"

* * *

The Titans quickly made their way over to the car, and started their journey to the scene of the crime.

"Give it up, X," suggested Robin, getting out of the car. "You're outnumbered."

The strange sound of Red X's laughter filled their ears. "Yeah, right."

"Give up your ways, evil doer! You will be defeated at the hands of the mighty Titans!" shouted Destinee, standing dramatically on top of the T-Car, where she almost defiantly had not been a few seconds beforehand.

"Who's this?" X asked Robin, looking a bit surprised.

"My name is Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow! And you must return the items that you have stolen!"

"Where'd you pick this one up?" said X, sounding amused.

"We didn't," Robin sighed. "She's been following us for two days now."

There was silence, and then Red X started to laugh like crazy. "Oh, this is PRICELESS! Two days?"

"Titans go!" yelled Destinee, charging. The Titans didn't move, hoping to see Destinee get hurt. (Or better yet, murdered. They wouldn't press charges.)

Still laughing, Red X fired one of the X's from his gloves at her, one that should pin her to the ground. She managed to duck it (when she tripped) and charged toward him carrying a butter-knife.

"Let us do battle!" she declared, brandishing her butter-knife as if it were a sword. Red X's laughter only increased. She charged again, missing him by a mile. Then she started to talk, "All I want is to be loved and accepted! I never asked to be fantastically beautiful beyond all reason, or the most powerful super-being of all time! I never wanted people to stare at me as I walked down the street; I never wanted little children running up to me, asking for autographs and photographs! And I never wanted to be so perfect! Why, oh why?"

"Is she quoting herself?" whispered Beast Boy to Cyborg.

"I think so," replied the metal man, who was recording this.

Red X was looking annoyed. "Will you shut up already and actually fight?"

"But I love him, and I must be with him! I realize now, who I have loved all along! I know who I love! I love-" she was cut off, because Red X had finally lost his temper, and slapped a large X over her mouth.

"Finally," he complained, "I was getting a headache." He vanished into thin air.

"Now what?" asked Raven.

"We run?" suggested Cyborg.

Destinee finally worked the X off her face. Suddenly she paled, and spun on her heal. She stared at a strange looking rock that stood on the side of the road, a memorial of sorts from the 1800s.

"You!" she yelled, staring at the rock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **What did Destinee think she's seen? Who did she chose? Will Starfire commit murder? Where will the final battle take place? When will I stop asking random questions that will be answered in the next chapter?  
>  Next chapter's coming soon, and then Destinee will finally DIE! We'll all be happy then won't we?**
> 
> **Thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far, and please continue to do so! Flames will be used to create Destinee's new hair-do!**
> 
> **The amazing, (not really)**
> 
> **Hinn-Raven**


	5. Of Death and Ohio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Five: Mary Sues die painfully. Complete!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: And here's the finale, in which we finally see the very much anticipated Death of Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow. Enjoy, and thank you all for reading!**
> 
> **P.S. I don't own the Teen Titans.**

" _No!"_  screamed Destinee loudly (and melodramatically). "I shall never be your apprentice Slade!"

The rock which she was addressing said nothing.

"No! You are  _not_  my mother's sister's niece's cousin's former roommate! We are nothing!" She pulled out a squirt gun. "Die, bitch, die!" she squirted the rock. Pink, swirly, glittery fog started appearing, beginning to cover the entire street. "Why won't you die already?" demanded the girl, whose hair was now impossibly spiky and green.

The rock still said nothing.

"Die!" she yelled again, pulling a huge plastic sword out of nowhere, and charging at the rock. For a little while, it looked like she was fencing very badly with the air. Then she got angry, and started to batter her pathetic Wal-Mart sword on the poor, very innocent rock. The sword fell to pieces, and the rock remained silent.

"Taste my wrath!" Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Whack-Job Glow, now producing what appeared to be a bazooka from hammer space. She fired, and several Nerf darts came out and bounced off the rock, accompanied by loud swearing.

And the rock was still silent

"Robin? Should I do the taking care of her?" asked Starfire, shock so heavy in her voice that it was difficult to tell if she wanted to harm Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Loony-Bin Glow.

"I think that might be a very good idea Star," said the boy wonder, who was still watching Destinee release her "weapons" supply of foam bullets on the rock. When it ran out of ammunition, she tossed it aside, swearing viciously.

"It is time to end this. Slade, you are finished! Titans! Go!" wept Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Insanity Glow, pulling out no new weapons, but her fog started becoming thicker and thicker, especially around the area where the rock was located.

"I believe that is, as you humans say it, 'my cue,'" Starfire stated as she took aim with a starbolt.

Destinee, however, out of pure, incredibly stupid luck, ran forward and started jumping up and down on the rock. "Die!" she added for good measure. Suddenly, she gasped, and grabbed at her heart. "Oh, no…"

A large, very bright explosion (that only, as far as the Titans could tell, made a loud noise) followed, and then Destinee was lying on the ground.

The Titans rushed forward, not sure what had just happened.

"Oh no! I am dying!" Destinee declared in the most dramatic fashion possible.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Robin, glancing at Cyborg, who scanned for vitals.

"Oh, Robin my love, I am so sorry," sobbed the annoying girl, "Bu this bullet wound is fatal. I cannot be saved."

"Good," Raven said bluntly.

"No Raven. Your healing will not help me. The damage is fatal."

"That's the best news I've heard all day," commented Cyborg, not concerned in the slightest. Then he walked over to Beast Boy. "Ten bucks she makes a dramatic love speech to Robin."

"To easy," said Raven knowledgably. "Fifteen that she calls Robin 'her little bird,'"

"Oh, you're on!" chorused the boys.

"Robin…" Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Confusion Saphyre Glow whispered. "Be strong my love. Promise me that you will go on. "

"No problem," Robin replied, rolling his eyes under his mask, hoping that she would just get to the dying already.

"Farewell, Robin my little bird," the strange girl who had added some very strange things to their lives whispered. " _"_ Do you remember when we first met?"

"How can I forget?" Robin muttered, disgusted. Starfire flew over, and grabbed his hand.

"It's a shame we never got to get married," Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' What the Hell Is Going on Here Glow said quietly. "Our wedding would have been beautiful."

Robin nearly choked, and only Starfire was concerned, since Cyborg and Beast Boy were too busy giving Raven her winnings. "I'm so sorry, Robin. But apparently my time in this life is drawing to a close," Destinee continued, as her hair grew as long as her feet and black as black could possibly be.

"Dude, will you just shut up and  _die_  already?" Beast Boy yelled, frustrated and mourning the loss of his money.

"It is time for me to depart from this world. But I love you, Robin. You have changed my life. I will never forget you…" and then she closed her eyes and died.

The Titans just stood there, unable to believe that she was actually gone. They started to cheer, and Robin was pulled into the air by Starfire, whose cheers were the loudest.

"Look!" Beast Boy shouted, dismayed, as he spotted the unfortunately now very familiar pink fog coming out of Destinee's mouth. Starfire plummeted to the ground, and the Titans gathered around the fallen "Titan."

The Titans knew that something strange was going on immediately. Destinee's hair was retreating back into her head, stopping at her shoulders, and turning into a shade of brown that actually appeared in humans. Her skin paled significantly, leaving her pale with the exception of a few freckles, and her lips became much smaller, no longer appearing as if she'd taken an air pump to them. In a few short seconds, she gained a lot of weight, which, in the case of so-skinny-you're-about-to-die Destinee, was a very good thing. She actually looked healthy. Her mini-skirt's sequins disappeared and turned into denim, stretching down to completely cover her legs before turning into a pair of jeans. Her pink tank top turned into a light blue, much more modest t-shirt. The horrible boots shrunk into a well-worn pair of Converse, and to top it all off, a pair of glasses appeared on her face.

"Huh?" the girl's eyelids fluttered, and then she was up, very much alive, much to the Titans dismay.

"Destinee?" Starfire asked, greatly saddened.

"Who?" demanded the girl in a very different voice, getting to her feet. "I'm Christie. Where am I?"

"Jump City, California," said Raven.

"What? How'd I get here? I live in  _Ohio!_ "

"So…" Starfire asked, hovering, "You are  _not_  Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow?"

"Who on Earth would have a name like that?" demanded Christie, looking very confused.

The Titans just looked at each other.

"Hey, aren't you the Teen Titans?" said the girl, who was clearly not the girl who had been stalking them for a few days.

The Titans nodded reluctantly, fearing a relapse. "Huh." She said, walking away to find a phone to call her parents.

The Titans looked at each other, very confused. "I know a spell that can erase a few days' worth of memories," offered Raven.

"Sounds like a good idea," said Robin, grabbing Starfire's hand, and the group started back to the Tower.

The spirit of Destinee Rose 'Sparkling' Saphyre Glow frowned at the scene before her. Robin should be sobbing uncontrollably, and the rest of the Titans should be in deep mourning. That was how the story went anyway. She checked the story that had been written by Christie's younger sister a few months ago. There was nothing in the story about memory wiping…

* * *

"And  _seriously_  I need help 'cause, I think Jinx is going to kill her, and I don't think I'll be able to stop her, and even worse, I don't think I'll mind! This Emilee chick has been stalking us for over a week now, and she thinks that she's my girlfriend! Hello? Robin? You there? Anyone?" Kid Flash was rattling off on one part of the main screen in the Titans Tower when they walked in. The screen had been divided into three parts, with Kid Flash on the top right hand one. In the background, one could see a furious Jinx throwing things at a girl with long brown hair with a purple tank top and black baggy jeans.

"Stay away from my boyfriend!" screamed Jinx at the girl.

"WAAALLLYYY! Your stupid ex-girlfriend is throwing stuff at me!"

"Oh, and she somehow knows my name! How the hell does that work?" added Kid Flash, while the Titans stood, frozen.

"Well, Speedy here's got himself a stalker as well. So does Aqualad. They're driving me crazy. They've locked me out of my room, burned my clothes, and one of them has been pretending to be team leader!" said Bumblebee, furious. "We can't get rid of them!"

"Hey Ellie!" yelled a random girl with what appeared to be cheap plastic jewels glued to her skin.

"Yeah?" yelled a girl with a pink cloak. "What is it, Bella-Not-From-Twilight?"

"I think your long-lost sister, Raven is on the screen!"

"Oh, let me see!" declared the girl-Ellie apparently- shoving Bee aside. "Hi RAE!"

The Titans were exchanging very scared looks. On the bottom of the screen, there was Kole, who looked very scared. "We've got about twenty of 'em! They're all chasing Jericho around, claiming they're his sisters! And they hate me! They keep saying I'm not good enough for him, and that he should be dating Raven! It's driving me crazy!"

"Oh crap," whispered Cyborg.

"Please tell me that we don't have to solve this problem..." Beast Boy said to Raven.


End file.
